The Hell of Two Jobs

I have never worked two jobs before.  I knew it would be hard and I avoided it at all cost.  I didn’t realize how much of a pain in the butt it really was until this past week.  I am still trying to recover, and I have one more day at my old job.

Saturday and Sunday I had to work both jobs.  I had to go into my new job in the morning and then rush to my old job to close.  My ankle has not been happy with me because of this.  It has been one heck of a ride. Also, I hate being away from home for so long!  An entire day gone, because I had to work two jobs.  Please, someone, anyone, tell me how people can work two jobs and still function?  I only did it for two weeks and I am scared for life.

I have learned a few things while working two jobs…and I thought I was stick with old faithful and give you a list of those things.

  1. My puppy gets super excited when I get home after being away all day.
  2. I don’t feel like eating much on days I have to work at both jobs. I am too busy trying to keep my schedule straight and get things done.
  3. Sleep does not exist.  Especially if you come home and read until the wee hours of the morning.
  4. 30 minutes is not enough time to leave one job and get to the other, even if they are only 5 minutes apart from each other.
  5. I can do it.

I’m sure I could come up with more things I have learned, but #5 is the most important.  I CAN DO IT! Which means, when I am free of the hell that is Bilo, I can pretend that I am still working two jobs and start working more on my cake decorating skills. I will dedicate time to setting up my business and getting a website and cards.  I will also set aside time for writing more.

Not only can I work two jobs, but I can do a lot on very little sleep.  I just have to make myself do it.  And the last and final thing that I just realized I have learned, is making myself do things that I need to do.  Unless I forget about them.

Either way, I am done with my old job and I am ready to move on.  Things are going to get better from here.  I will eventually have my own bakery and publishing contract.  I will be a very successful woman.  I have material from my job at the grocery store that will help me in my writing, and I have new skills that will benefit my cake decorating.

It may have been hell working two jobs.  But it was the kind of hell that is necessary to move on to better things.

My Muse Awakens

Still Looking

I have spurts of inspiration that come from every day life.  Which is how I write.  I find the simplest thing and run with it, creating something that comes from my heart and feeds my hungry soul.  This is also why most of the stories I write have a love story incorporated.

As you may know from my previous post, I have been single for a very long time.  My whole life in fact, unless you count the few internet relationships I tried for a bit.  But, those guys didn’t consider it anything real, so to save myself the embarrassment, I won’t consider them real either.

This brings me to what most of my day dreams are about.  Finding love in all the wonderful nooks and crannies in the world. Turning the corner at just the right time and running into “Mr. Right” or my soul mate.  Yes, I very firmly believe in soul mates. Then as my mind weaves through these wonderful possibilities, I start to write some of my favorite stories.  A love story that starts out tragic and ends happily.  Though, I did currently write a short story where there was no happy ending for the two love birds.  You can find it on my blog…right HERE. Go on, check it out if you like.

Of course, being the strange person that I am, I am never happy with a normal human romance.  I love to venture into the world of the supernatural and explore what happens to love when there are complications that exceed humanity. What happens when a vampire falls in love with a werewolf, or a wizard falls in love with a fairy?  How about, what happens when a vampire falls in love with a mermaid?  I have never actually explored the world of mermaids, but it could be fun.

The thing is, my writing thrives off of my hunger for romance.  A romance so deep, not even the gods could tear the lovers apart.  A romance so strong that it reaches over lifetimes to come back together again.  My soul aches for a love so epic that even the greatest love story is put to shame.  And that is one of the main reasons I write.

My biggest fear in my writing is that once I find a love that I am happy with, will my writing suffer?  Will I cease to the writer I have become?  Is it just my darkness, depression, loneliness, and hunger that drives my creativity?

I have never had love.  Other than that of family.  I have never seen a boy and fallen madly in love with him.  Sure, I have guys I have crushed on…and crushed on pretty hard.  I still compare most guys to one guy from my past.  But I have never had a love that made me feel like my chest would cave in.  That all consuming love that makes everything else in the world just another speck of dust.

I also wonder if we are all meant to find such love.  Maybe that is why so many writers tell stories of epic loves, because we are all trying to find it and it just doesn’t exist.  Or maybe we have had it in another life time and we are just trying to remember that it is out there.

Either way, right now in this very moment, my heart bleeds from it’s self-inflicted wounds. Wounds caused by my constant day dreaming of how I will find my soul mate.  All the corners that I can turn and places I will go.  Making eye contact with every guy I pass, just hoping to find that spark that will match my own spark. And that is my muse.  An ache, a spark, a bleeding heart. My muse.

Book Review: Looking For Alaska by John Green

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Most of the books that I read have something to do with the supernatural world.  I find other books a bit boring.  I can’t help it, I just love the worlds of impossible possibilities.

I had heard of a few people reading this book and loving it.  I was telling my cousin that I wanted to read it and come to find out that she actually owned the book.  She let me borrow it and it sat on my shelf for a few weeks before I decided to give it a chance.  I started reading thinking that there was just no way I was going to enjoy it, but I was going to push through it anyways.

To my surprise I dove in and didn’t want to come back up for air.

Synopsis:

Miles convinces his parents to send him to a private school in his search for the “Great Perhaps.”  At his old school he didn’t have friends, he just went to school, did his work, and felt stuck.

In his new school he quickly makes friends and becomes part of a small group.  Together they pull pranks and hang out.  They teach Miles how to smoke, drink, and get away with breaking the rules.

My Thoughts:

That is about all I can tell you about the book without ruining the story for you.  I encourage you to read the book.  It’s really a quick read and it’s a rewarding story. I was skeptical at first because of it being a “normal” book.  It was a story about teenagers.  There was nothing special about them other than they were friends in a private school.

I didn’t know I could enjoy a book like this.  I didn’t know that I could be attracted to a book that didn’t have vampires, werewolves, or witches. But I loved the book.  I was up until the wee hours of the morning, reading away.  I just couldn’t bring myself to put it down.

My cousin also let me borrow “The Fault in Our Stars.”  Another book by John Green.  I saw the movie, but I was curious as to if the book was better.  If “Looking for Alaska” is anything like it, I know I am going to love it.

This book has made me broaden my list of books I want to read.  I may enjoy other books that have nothing to do with the supernatural. I can’t wait to find more that shock me.

Making Money

I haven’t been able to blog as often lately because I have some amazing changes going on in my life!  For the past few weeks I have been working on changing jobs.  Next Wednesday is my last day at my current job at a grocery store.

When I started working at 18 (legally working), I promised myself I would never work in the food industry.  When I started working at BMW 3 years ago I promised myself I would never go back to retail.  Then the dreaded day in February came around and I lost my first “big boy” job.  I called it a “big boy” job because I was working for a huge company and making a nice paycheck.  I have always been a daddy’s girl and I felt like I was making him proud by working for a big company like he used to.

After my little stint of unemployment after I was laid off I decided I needed to go back to work.  Not to mention, I messed up and lost my unemployment check. Silly me.  So, I went searching for a job, actually searching. I applied to a ton of jobs in a week and waited.  Then my mom tells me that the cake decorator at the grocery store wanted me to apply and get in there working with her.

Off I went to apply.  Finding myself, not only back in retail, but working in the food industry as well. It started off grand.  I loved being back around new people every day. It was good for me, and I found out that I had escaped my shell of shyness just a little bit more.  It was easier to talk to people and it made working with customers that much easier.

I come home from work every night smelling like food and I hated it.  Then I realized there was a ton of drama going on in the Deli.  I wasn’t doing cakes like I wanted to and there were so many other things.

I worked nights mostly.  The morning shift didn’t always do what they were supposed to do, so the night shift was stuck with doing everything. When we didn’t do our stuff at night, we got in trouble when the manager came in the next day.  On top of that, the drama was bringing me down.

Here is the thing about drama, I HATE IT! I feel like once you hit 21, the drama should be done and over with. You should grow up and learn to shake things off and stop spreading rumors about other people.  There is no time in my life for drama.  When the drama started at work, I would stay as far away from it as I could. But some how, my name was drug into it anyways.

Recently, a rumor was started that I went to the gym the day the doctor put me out of work because he thought I had a chipped fracture in my foot.  I found out today that another person is going around telling people I went to a manager because “so and so” brought “so and so” liquor while at work.

You can talk crap about someone all you want around me.  I will not join in and I will not go running off to tell anyone what you said. There is just no place for drama.

With things getting so bad at work I decided to find another job. Of course, the drama has become worse since I put in my two week notice.

I am now working at Dollar Tree as an assistant manager. Go me! I worked at Dollar Tree from 2004 to 2008 and left for other ventures. I walked in one day a few weeks ago and asked if they were hiring. Lucky for me, a friend of mine works there and told me that they may be looking for a new assistant manager. Talk about being in the right place at the right time.

In went my application and BAM! I got the job.

I have learned a few things at the grocery store though. Here is a quick list.

  1. Even if they say they are your friend, they are probably talking about you behind your back.
  2. Somethings you just have to let roll of your back
  3. Don’t worry about others, just do your job.
  4. I HATE THE FOOD INDUSTRY!
  5. Just listen when others complain about people. Don’t add your two cent, because chances are, your words will be twisted to appease the drama gods.

I am leaving this job a little wiser and I am so excited for my new job.  I know my stress levels will go down and I won’t want to sleep as much.  I may even have the energy to start on the short story I have been thinking about!

Book Review: Netherworld (The Chronicles of Koa) by K.N. Lee

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I was contacted by K.N. Lee herself to read and review her book.  Imagine how excited I was that someone wanted me to read their book!  I have been contacted before and had to pass up the opportunity because I didn’t want to come across as a bad person as the book was no interest to me.  But Netherworld was right up my alley.  It was about vampires, and if you have not been reading my blog for a while it’s time that you learn how much I love vampires.  If there are fangs involved I will jump on it in a heart beat.  Believe me, I have been let down a few times because of my quick action.

I owe the author a quick apology for taking so long to review the book.  But on to the review!

Synopsis 

Koa is a vampire…at least half vampire.  Her father was a vampire and her mother was a human. She is also a vampire hunter, ridding the world of vampires that take advantage of their position.  Years ago, years that Koa can not remember, her father was killed and her mother was cursed, and lives her days as a cat.  Koa has a friend that watches over her, a fallen angel who is also her boss.

Koa is on a quest to find out what happened to her, why her memory has been erased and why there are people after her.

Personal Opinon

I thought the book was interesting.  It was a fascinating world that Lee has created, but it did not draw my in immediately.  It took a little time to get into the book, and I was several chapters in before it really hooked my attention.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad book.  It keeps you guessing the whole time, trying to figure out what is going on and where the story is going.

I did notice a few errors, but nothing that would really distract you from the story.  Actually, it was no more than what you would see from your favorite author, I have just started noticing errors in books a lot more recently.

Overall, the story was entertaining and I enjoyed the book.  The beginning is not boring, just a little slow.  My only complaint was the ending.

I understand that a book that is part of a series needs to have something at the end to bring the readers back.  But, the way this book ended was almost annoying.  There was no closure to the book, it ended like a chapter would end, only there was no following chapters.  I would have jumped right into the next book if I had the money, but my finances are a little low at the moment.

It’s actually eating away at me to know what happens next, so the second book is on my reading list.  I just hope the second book does not drop off in such a cliff hanger that causes me to curse and want to throw my book across the room.

The books are rather cheap and I don’t feel like it would be a waste of money to read.  Just beware of the ending. The horribly annoying ending that still makes me growl at the author.

Buy the book here.

Find out more of K.N. Lee and her other works here.

Should you want me to read your book for a review, go here and send me an email.  I check my emails daily.

A Writers Struggle

I have been reading a few tidbits here and there about authors and their struggles of writing while working and raising a family. It’s inspiring to know that famous authors have struggled like the rest of us.  It makes them seem more human and my dream a little more achievable.

I have always been the one to wait for a good moment to write.  A day off, or some down time.  Now I see that I have have been doing it all wrong. I can’t wait for time, I have to find it.  I have to chase it.

Stephen King is one of those authors.  He was a teacher, finding time to write among all his other duties of making lesson plans, teaching, grading papers, and raising a family. He found a quiet place, an ironing board in the laundry room, to write every night. How in the world did this man have time to focus on writing?  What drove him the most in his writing?

I realize that to achieve my dreams there are a few things that I am going to have to give up.

One of those things is TV.  I am not saying to give up every show I love to watch, but I need to limit my time in front of the mind numbing box.  There is always something on TV that I want to watch, but just like food, you need portion control.  And just like with food, I have no self control. I need more discipline in my life if I want to accomplish my goals and reach my dreams.

Another area that I need to give up and control better is my sleep.  I sleep all the time.  I get up to take the puppy out and come back in, turn on the TV, and fall asleep.  If I have to go into work at 2, I will sleep until I HAVE to get ready for work. I have become lazy, letting depression get the best of me.

I have too many dreams and too much creativity to let sleep and cheap entertainment steal that away from me. I must sacrifice for my many dreams.  It’s the only way.

To all my writers out there, what have you let get in the way of your writing?

Ending the Experiment

Okay, it’s over.  I tried and I realized, writing is in my blood!!

I tried to not write anything for over a week now and, well, I am about to go crazy.  I have not written blogs, stories, poems, or even notes.  The only thing I did write were status updates on Facebook, which can some times be a short story.  I like to tell people things.

I have been down, angry, antsy, and everything else that happens to a junky when you take away their drugs.  Oh yeah, I’m saying it, writing is my drug. It’s the one thing that calms my stress and helps me find a happier me.  Well, that and reading.

I just wanted to see what would happen if I took all writing out of my life for a week.  I am always questioning if I am really a writer.  I wonder sometimes if I do it because I love it and need it, or if I just do it to make people think I am creative.  I now have my answer.  I love it and need it in my life.

Now, should I be an author?  That question still hangs in the balance of things.  If anything, I will at least tell my kids awesome bedtime stories one day. But I do want to be an author.  I want to share my crazy mind with the world.  I will make it one day, right along with my dream to open my own bakery.  I have a pretty awesome life ahead of me.

And now for a confession.  I didn’t give up all writing.  I evidently can’t give it up completely.  I wrote in my journal one night.  I was depressed and I needed that outlet, I had to write the things down that were stuck in my head.  I don’t always feel comfortable telling people about the things going on in my head.  I scare myself sometimes with the thoughts that cross my mind.

I also don’t like to tell people when I have fallen into that dark hole that makes me question my own life.  I don’t have suicidal thoughts anymore, but I do have moments where I want to give up and just hide under a rock, or I wonder what life would be like without me.  I always end up really upset for the people around me.  I am pretty awesome and their life would be boring without me.

I also wrote a short story with my mom and brother.  My brother drew a picture and I wrote the story.  My mom latter added to it.  It was down on the white board that we keep on the fridge.  Take a look.

Family Story

The character my brother drew didn’t have ears.  He went in after I wrote the story and added ears.  Then my mom went in about new technology.  I love it.  My family inspires me.

Also, Happy Halloween month!! I seriously love Halloween and I can’t wait to show you all the wonderful things I plan on doing.  Hopefully a new job is coming my way, a job with more money.  Meaning I can buy more stuff to make cakes.

Last year I was going to carve pumpkins but I never got around to it.  This year I am going to do that and hopefully try making pumpkin pie.  I have seen so many awesome cake stuff for Halloween.  I just love this time of year!!  I have already made one cake for Halloween.  I will share it with you sometime soon.