Pain and Frustration

I suddenly feel like my life has made a turn for the worst.  I know that I am better off then some.  I mean, my unemployment doesn’t effect where I live because my wonderful parents are not kicking me out of their house.  The only thing that is going to get screwed up is my credit.

I worked so hard to build up my credit, and my credit score is still kind of low, but I just got it into the FAIR category.  I don’t want to screw that up now.  But because of my stupidity and my lack of maturity I let things slip by and I lost what little money I had coming in.

I have wasted the past few months.  Sitting around, watching anime, playing games, reading.  I haven’t written much, or studied much.  I have been a useless lump of nothing.  I could have finished my college course by now and re-written both of my books.  I could be all studied up for my A+ certification test and baked a million cake pops.  But instead I was lazy and wasteful.

Beating myself up about it isn’t going to change anything, I know this.  I didn’t want to be in this situation where I was rushing to get a job because I was an idiot and blew through all my money like I still had a nice paying job.  And now I have no skills worth anything.  I want my own business but I have no idea how to start one or what kind I would even start.  I am selling some of my favorite dolls just for money.

This is a sad sad situation.  (Anyone get the Bowling for Soup lyric?)

Anyways, to top things off, my neck has been hurting for the past 5 days now.  It’s just on the left side and at night it starts getting into my shoulder and arm.  Which means, I need to go to the doctor.  But did you know that when you lose your job you also lose insurance?  Yes, I knew that, don’t be silly.  So I am now in the position where I need money for a doctor and to pay my bills and no one seems to want to hire me.

Again I say, thank God that I have amazing parents that love me.  If it wasn’t for them I would be in so much trouble right now.

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